Tonight, on Border Security

We look into the troubling increase in Bunny Smugglers, and the lengths that some bunnymules will go to bring illegal bunnies into the country.

At least the Granny Square Dress was forgiving

because this sure as shootin’ aint!

I guess we all have days like this

Strange days indeed.. (most peculiar Mama…)

Always something happening and nothing going on.

I mean – we all get into a zone whilst we’re crocheting.  You know what I mean? when you forget what you’re really trying to accomplish? and the pea green next to pumkin orange seems to be lacking a hit of cherry to make it complete?

In my case, you wake up with a scarf that weighs as much as an afghan and a Christening Gown with a petticoat that is now edged by 11 rows of alternating HDCs and Puff stitches.  If you ever want to use up yarn, may I recommend this as a stitch pattern because I now have over 3 kilometres of 2ply in very close formation.

But in both cases I went through the darkness of a  Yarn-induced Creative Whirlpool and came out on the other side which would explain what’s happened here:

Not sure if this is a little yellow idol north of Kathmandu…

Or just a UFO over New York – I wouldn’t be too surprised.

But generally there’s a high level of WTF happening here!

Are there NO Limits?

To the level of corruption that infests the Gentle World of Crochet?

Dear reader,

As those who have joined us in all previous incarnations, as we have struggled through life together, cannot help bu tbe aware of the high regard I hold for Regency literature, especially the works of Miss Jane Austen and collectively, whilst still individually: The Brontё Sisters.  In crochet as in life, this regard continues and I was once outbid for a Jane Austen Shawl pattern on eBay; at a fairly pausemaking amount.   I was willing to forego basic necessities for that pattern. But Alas, it was not be and five years of fruitless searching have not yet seen it come round again.

Where I was more successful was the purchase of a great many Bed Doll patterns, I detest Barbies en masse however I adore crochet where you can be a bit clever and add extra bits to catch a judge’s eye.

Armed with all the above driving forces, whilst trawling through a store that enables vintage pattern buying (though – not entirely convinced that 2002 counts as ‘vintage’) I did espy something that made me pause…

I would presume that “Dinner at Netherfield” allows the avoidance of copyright issues from Miss Austen’s estate, those who may also being taking umbrage at the misspelling!

I found myself spending a great deal too much time (i.e. Any!) trying to work out who our Plastic Twosome are supposed to be, or are they just trying to crash the party?

Sadly, Bambi turned to a life of Crime

And adopted a cunning disguise during his Bank Hold Up spree.

Bikini or Not? (Low Work Safe Factor)

Today’s item *may* be a bikini, in the same way that I *may* be considered a chef.

The rampant nature of crochet has seen it spread into swimwear,

 or posing-in-the-sunwear,

 to the point some starlets have become confused about the place of the pineapple swimsuit

 

and taken it out for the evening.

I don’t know who Blu Cantrell is, but she appears to be trying to get some exposure here.

In the chain (get it??) of crocheted poolside wear, comes something purporting to be a

“bikini”

(and I’m being careful, unless the Unnecessary Quotation Marks people come to get me)

and we end up with something that I can only loosely describe as a nipple tether.

 

I’m not a member of the Breastapo, but…. hrm.

And I am  really hoping there’s some motif applicated to the bottom half and that the model isn’t that in need of planned maintenance.

If you can’t bribe them

Terrify them! or  How to get your Model to pose for a shoot when it’s all Fug.

The response I’ve always had to those who complain about the writing of a snark blog is that “No-one has a gun to your head, forcing you to read it.”

  True – look around, see?  No masked crocheter holding a .45 to your head threatening to redecorate the wall in an interesting new colour called “Hint of Brain”. 

You no like, you can go up to the left to the back button or up to the right to the search window and… look for something else.

If you’re a model and you’ve been presented with something less than stellar to wear perhaps the circumstances maybe different, depending on how much you need the next pair of Christin Louboutins.

What technique this photographer used – not sure but I’m intrigued as to what made this the best that the art director had to use…

 

I love the Russian crochet patterns as much as the next deranged wool-pig, but…..

the belt that looks like you’ve been eviscerated… not so much.

Husbands and Wives – Joint hobbies don’t always work…

I can see it as being a great idea, to  open new lines of communication, bring you both closer together, and eventually: rediscover each other,

But….

Some hobbies aren’t meant to be shared.         Or Mixed.

Crochet and the Art of Skoda Maintenance?

Mr Clarkson, Hammo and Captain Slow would be p’ing themselves right now….

Or making a racist joke about another country which is guaranteed to get them on the front pages around the world.

Please say a prayer tonight for Queenslanders

tonight for them will be bad, but tomorrow will be beyond imagining.

Through my own blog: Safety Boots and Crochet as well What Not To Crochet and now Misstitched, I’ve had the privelege of speaking with thousands of people.  Regular readers and those who just drop in.

Tonight, Australia, and Queensland is facing a storm larger than Hurricane Katrina and there is nothing more that can be done until it is over.  If you have a spare moment in your prayers, please think on those in Queensland who are hunkered down in shelters waiting for Tropical Cyclone Yasi to pass by.

The Dread Horror – The Granny Square Dress

Do you remember – when she, that alabaster skinned Goddess of the screen, Cate Blanchett, shocked us all by wearing THAT dress – that monstrosity of Granny Squares?

In my wild What Not to Crochet days.. it heralded a rush of nausea and comments from around the world wondering whose couch she’d ripped that from??

No – none of us could believe it.. Neither by the looks of it can  Sam Neill aka Agent Smith of The Matrix.  Maybe he can’t classify the species…. and he’s recognised that Granny Squares are a a virus. Granny Squares are a disease, a cancer of Crochet… 

 

But in our quest to bring to you the Fug in the World of Weird Crochet, Revelation dawned – We had seen this before.

Yes – I had picked this as being worse than being Naked in a crowd….

Romance was born, in their 2009 Show decided to be… erm, revolutionary in crochet.

The crochet equivalent of brain freeze

What was of more concern was that another designer – Paul Smith did The Dress AGAIN… and… it seems trendy slings for those with fractured forearms.  Noting the carpal tunnel damaging nature of excessive crochet.. maybe there is some practicality here….

But there is still no excuse (or originality !) here

But true to historical and fashionical trends, where one designer introduces something revolutionary, then  others pick it up and crochet appears in the collections of eight different designers and then it filters down through the department stores and trickles on down into some dump bin….

And… if you have a burning desire to look like Cate Blanchett in some small way (and you can’t afford the $300 a pop SK-II product range) We now have the solution…. 

I weep for the future…..