Are there NO Limits?

To the level of corruption that infests the Gentle World of Crochet?

Dear reader,

As those who have joined us in all previous incarnations, as we have struggled through life together, cannot help bu tbe aware of the high regard I hold for Regency literature, especially the works of Miss Jane Austen and collectively, whilst still individually: The Brontё Sisters.  In crochet as in life, this regard continues and I was once outbid for a Jane Austen Shawl pattern on eBay; at a fairly pausemaking amount.   I was willing to forego basic necessities for that pattern. But Alas, it was not be and five years of fruitless searching have not yet seen it come round again.

Where I was more successful was the purchase of a great many Bed Doll patterns, I detest Barbies en masse however I adore crochet where you can be a bit clever and add extra bits to catch a judge’s eye.

Armed with all the above driving forces, whilst trawling through a store that enables vintage pattern buying (though – not entirely convinced that 2002 counts as ‘vintage’) I did espy something that made me pause…

I would presume that “Dinner at Netherfield” allows the avoidance of copyright issues from Miss Austen’s estate, those who may also being taking umbrage at the misspelling!

I found myself spending a great deal too much time (i.e. Any!) trying to work out who our Plastic Twosome are supposed to be, or are they just trying to crash the party?

Bikini or Not? (Low Work Safe Factor)

Today’s item *may* be a bikini, in the same way that I *may* be considered a chef.

The rampant nature of crochet has seen it spread into swimwear,

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 or posing-in-the-sunwear,

 to the point some starlets have become confused about the place of the pineapple swimsuit

 

and taken it out for the evening.

I don’t know who Blu Cantrell is, but she appears to be trying to get some exposure here.

In the chain (get it??) of crocheted poolside wear, comes something purporting to be a

“bikini”

(and I’m being careful, unless the Unnecessary Quotation Marks people come to get me)

and we end up with something that I can only loosely describe as a nipple tether.

 

I’m not a member of the Breastapo, but…. hrm.

And I am  really hoping there’s some motif applicated to the bottom half and that the model isn’t that in need of planned maintenance.

The Dread Horror – The Granny Square Dress

Do you remember – when she, that alabaster skinned Goddess of the screen, Cate Blanchett, shocked us all by wearing THAT dress – that monstrosity of Granny Squares?

In my wild What Not to Crochet days.. it heralded a rush of nausea and comments from around the world wondering whose couch she’d ripped that from??

No – none of us could believe it.. Neither by the looks of it can  Sam Neill aka Agent Smith of The Matrix.  Maybe he can’t classify the species…. and he’s recognised that Granny Squares are a a virus. Granny Squares are a disease, a cancer of Crochet… 

 

But in our quest to bring to you the Fug in the World of Weird Crochet, Revelation dawned – We had seen this before.

Yes – I had picked this as being worse than being Naked in a crowd….

Romance was born, in their 2009 Show decided to be… erm, revolutionary in crochet.

The crochet equivalent of brain freeze

What was of more concern was that another designer – Paul Smith did The Dress AGAIN… and… it seems trendy slings for those with fractured forearms.  Noting the carpal tunnel damaging nature of excessive crochet.. maybe there is some practicality here….

But there is still no excuse (or originality !) here

But true to historical and fashionical trends, where one designer introduces something revolutionary, then  others pick it up and crochet appears in the collections of eight different designers and then it filters down through the department stores and trickles on down into some dump bin….

And… if you have a burning desire to look like Cate Blanchett in some small way (and you can’t afford the $300 a pop SK-II product range) We now have the solution…. 

I weep for the future…..

 

Anne Geddes’ Babies Always Smile….

Maybe this photographer hasn’t learnt the magic trick

Or that hat is freakin’ the baby out as much as it is me.

Decoration or Infestation?

There is an element of ZOMG! Zats KEY-oooot! here but that sentiment is rather overwhelmed by a compulsion to get some kind of delousing (or demonkeying) spray as well.

The War of the Worlds elements of the marching Ladybugs versus (to one side) Mr Footless Droopear the bunny and to the west, Lord Cra-Z Eyes the Monkey with his henchman, the Rainbow Serpent.

Seriously – this is an example of less is most definitely more, with the line between cute and weird being somewhere behind the Giant Ladybug.

Yarn bombing – There’s a line, you guys!

The phenomenomenomenom (ba-bah-bah) of Yarn-bombing is knitted and crocheted pieces surreptititously wrapped around public features like trees and statues by guerilla knitters and crocheters.

                            

And has been around for a while.

  My last personal spotting of a yarn-bomb was in Wellington, New Zealand, around the neck of John Plimmer’s dog. I tried to get a photo but as Wellington rivals Chicago for being known as the Windy City, I was blown somewhere towards Auckland before getting my camera out.  When in Wellington, we choose to stay at the Travelodge, and eat at the Balti House Indian Restaurant.  Try the Butter Chicken.

Covering items with crochet has been taken to artistic levels, and with a nod to those of you who pressgang doiles into service in dresses, with the result being a piano that looks like it’s had a visit from a frustrated Jack Frost or She-lob in an artistic mood…

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That’s all fine and good, and the piano isn’t left wondering why this has happened to him.  Unlike our case in point for the day.

Guys – who the hell yarn-bombed the tortoise????

Beware – Outbreak of Urban Triffids Reported

Interior decoration (or the lack thereof) is a personal thing.

Some care not for clutter and opt for the minimalist look, intensely modernist colours and furniture a Spartan may start to feel is a tad lonely. Others are pulled to the other end of the spectrum and draw objects to them, as a rogue comet gathers planetoids as it rushes past.  My own interior decorating would love to be Country Chic, but is blurred somewhat by the Golden Retriever derived Fluff Bunnies browsing under the dining table, and the West Highland White who has taken up residence on top of same.

I am all for crocheted articles as part of the decor, as long as they have a) a practical purpose and b) are in keeping with the surroundings.  The pile of afghans at the end of the couch is frequently raided, and I knew my housemate was here to stay when I found her wrapped in a Round Ripple, soundly asleep on the sofa.

These ramblings bring me to today’s example of Crocheted Fug.  It is not particularly poorly executed, but I bring it to the forefront of Ugly Crochet Patterns because it is dingy, useless and so far from being in keeping with it’s surroundings to be almost terrifying in it’s badness.

There is also a certain level of implied terror, that one may fall back in a moment of passion, and be gnawed upon by the carnivorous monstrosities sprouting from one’s  lovenest.

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