Sadly, Bambi turned to a life of Crime

And adopted a cunning disguise during his Bank Hold Up spree.

Bikini or Not? (Low Work Safe Factor)

Today’s item *may* be a bikini, in the same way that I *may* be considered a chef.

The rampant nature of crochet has seen it spread into swimwear,

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 or posing-in-the-sunwear,

 to the point some starlets have become confused about the place of the pineapple swimsuit

 

and taken it out for the evening.

I don’t know who Blu Cantrell is, but she appears to be trying to get some exposure here.

In the chain (get it??) of crocheted poolside wear, comes something purporting to be a

“bikini”

(and I’m being careful, unless the Unnecessary Quotation Marks people come to get me)

and we end up with something that I can only loosely describe as a nipple tether.

 

I’m not a member of the Breastapo, but…. hrm.

And I am  really hoping there’s some motif applicated to the bottom half and that the model isn’t that in need of planned maintenance.

If you can’t bribe them

Terrify them! or  How to get your Model to pose for a shoot when it’s all Fug.

The response I’ve always had to those who complain about the writing of a snark blog is that “No-one has a gun to your head, forcing you to read it.”

  True – look around, see?  No masked crocheter holding a .45 to your head threatening to redecorate the wall in an interesting new colour called “Hint of Brain”. 

You no like, you can go up to the left to the back button or up to the right to the search window and… look for something else.

If you’re a model and you’ve been presented with something less than stellar to wear perhaps the circumstances maybe different, depending on how much you need the next pair of Christin Louboutins.

What technique this photographer used – not sure but I’m intrigued as to what made this the best that the art director had to use…

 

I love the Russian crochet patterns as much as the next deranged wool-pig, but…..

the belt that looks like you’ve been eviscerated… not so much.

Husbands and Wives – Joint hobbies don’t always work…

I can see it as being a great idea, to  open new lines of communication, bring you both closer together, and eventually: rediscover each other,

But….

Some hobbies aren’t meant to be shared.         Or Mixed.

Crochet and the Art of Skoda Maintenance?

Mr Clarkson, Hammo and Captain Slow would be p’ing themselves right now….

Or making a racist joke about another country which is guaranteed to get them on the front pages around the world.

Anne Geddes’ Babies Always Smile….

Maybe this photographer hasn’t learnt the magic trick

Or that hat is freakin’ the baby out as much as it is me.

Australia Day – 2011

Australia Day, something akin to Independence Day in the US, Canada Day in Canada and so on.   The reason this post is the day after, well… there’s only so much Australian beer culture one can absorb and have time to do anything else.

This was one of the hottest ever days, coming after the flooding in Queensland and Victoria; driving many people indoors.   I found a small herd of our favourite National Icon lounging around on my farm, which prompts today’s Misstitched Post.

I do not expect Crocheted articles to be factually accurate, I do expect them to be fit for purpose, not garishly horrible and hopefully: well-made.  I also.. would like to be able to have a reasonable go at being able to recognise who/what they are.

Because just having a pouch doesn’t cut it for entry into Marsupial land.

And whilst my so-called West Highland White prefers to get around in shades of green…. Yeah no.

Beware – Outbreak of Urban Triffids Reported

Interior decoration (or the lack thereof) is a personal thing.

Some care not for clutter and opt for the minimalist look, intensely modernist colours and furniture a Spartan may start to feel is a tad lonely. Others are pulled to the other end of the spectrum and draw objects to them, as a rogue comet gathers planetoids as it rushes past.  My own interior decorating would love to be Country Chic, but is blurred somewhat by the Golden Retriever derived Fluff Bunnies browsing under the dining table, and the West Highland White who has taken up residence on top of same.

I am all for crocheted articles as part of the decor, as long as they have a) a practical purpose and b) are in keeping with the surroundings.  The pile of afghans at the end of the couch is frequently raided, and I knew my housemate was here to stay when I found her wrapped in a Round Ripple, soundly asleep on the sofa.

These ramblings bring me to today’s example of Crocheted Fug.  It is not particularly poorly executed, but I bring it to the forefront of Ugly Crochet Patterns because it is dingy, useless and so far from being in keeping with it’s surroundings to be almost terrifying in it’s badness.

There is also a certain level of implied terror, that one may fall back in a moment of passion, and be gnawed upon by the carnivorous monstrosities sprouting from one’s  lovenest.

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