Tonight, on Border Security

We look into the troubling increase in Bunny Smugglers, and the lengths that some bunnymules will go to bring illegal bunnies into the country.

I guess we all have days like this

Strange days indeed.. (most peculiar Mama…)

Always something happening and nothing going on.

I mean – we all get into a zone whilst we’re crocheting.  You know what I mean? when you forget what you’re really trying to accomplish? and the pea green next to pumkin orange seems to be lacking a hit of cherry to make it complete?

In my case, you wake up with a scarf that weighs as much as an afghan and a Christening Gown with a petticoat that is now edged by 11 rows of alternating HDCs and Puff stitches.  If you ever want to use up yarn, may I recommend this as a stitch pattern because I now have over 3 kilometres of 2ply in very close formation.

But in both cases I went through the darkness of a  Yarn-induced Creative Whirlpool and came out on the other side which would explain what’s happened here:

Not sure if this is a little yellow idol north of Kathmandu…

Or just a UFO over New York – I wouldn’t be too surprised.

But generally there’s a high level of WTF happening here!

Are there NO Limits?

To the level of corruption that infests the Gentle World of Crochet?

Dear reader,

As those who have joined us in all previous incarnations, as we have struggled through life together, cannot help bu tbe aware of the high regard I hold for Regency literature, especially the works of Miss Jane Austen and collectively, whilst still individually: The Brontё Sisters.  In crochet as in life, this regard continues and I was once outbid for a Jane Austen Shawl pattern on eBay; at a fairly pausemaking amount.   I was willing to forego basic necessities for that pattern. But Alas, it was not be and five years of fruitless searching have not yet seen it come round again.

Where I was more successful was the purchase of a great many Bed Doll patterns, I detest Barbies en masse however I adore crochet where you can be a bit clever and add extra bits to catch a judge’s eye.

Armed with all the above driving forces, whilst trawling through a store that enables vintage pattern buying (though – not entirely convinced that 2002 counts as ‘vintage’) I did espy something that made me pause…

I would presume that “Dinner at Netherfield” allows the avoidance of copyright issues from Miss Austen’s estate, those who may also being taking umbrage at the misspelling!

I found myself spending a great deal too much time (i.e. Any!) trying to work out who our Plastic Twosome are supposed to be, or are they just trying to crash the party?

Sadly, Bambi turned to a life of Crime

And adopted a cunning disguise during his Bank Hold Up spree.

If you can’t bribe them

Terrify them! or  How to get your Model to pose for a shoot when it’s all Fug.

The response I’ve always had to those who complain about the writing of a snark blog is that “No-one has a gun to your head, forcing you to read it.”

  True – look around, see?  No masked crocheter holding a .45 to your head threatening to redecorate the wall in an interesting new colour called “Hint of Brain”. 

You no like, you can go up to the left to the back button or up to the right to the search window and… look for something else.

If you’re a model and you’ve been presented with something less than stellar to wear perhaps the circumstances maybe different, depending on how much you need the next pair of Christin Louboutins.

What technique this photographer used – not sure but I’m intrigued as to what made this the best that the art director had to use…

 

I love the Russian crochet patterns as much as the next deranged wool-pig, but…..

the belt that looks like you’ve been eviscerated… not so much.

Husbands and Wives – Joint hobbies don’t always work…

I can see it as being a great idea, to  open new lines of communication, bring you both closer together, and eventually: rediscover each other,

But….

Some hobbies aren’t meant to be shared.         Or Mixed.

Crochet and the Art of Skoda Maintenance?

Mr Clarkson, Hammo and Captain Slow would be p’ing themselves right now….

Or making a racist joke about another country which is guaranteed to get them on the front pages around the world.

Anne Geddes’ Babies Always Smile….

Maybe this photographer hasn’t learnt the magic trick

Or that hat is freakin’ the baby out as much as it is me.

Yarn bombing – There’s a line, you guys!

The phenomenomenomenom (ba-bah-bah) of Yarn-bombing is knitted and crocheted pieces surreptititously wrapped around public features like trees and statues by guerilla knitters and crocheters.

                            

And has been around for a while.

  My last personal spotting of a yarn-bomb was in Wellington, New Zealand, around the neck of John Plimmer’s dog. I tried to get a photo but as Wellington rivals Chicago for being known as the Windy City, I was blown somewhere towards Auckland before getting my camera out.  When in Wellington, we choose to stay at the Travelodge, and eat at the Balti House Indian Restaurant.  Try the Butter Chicken.

Covering items with crochet has been taken to artistic levels, and with a nod to those of you who pressgang doiles into service in dresses, with the result being a piano that looks like it’s had a visit from a frustrated Jack Frost or She-lob in an artistic mood…

That’s all fine and good, and the piano isn’t left wondering why this has happened to him.  Unlike our case in point for the day.

Guys – who the hell yarn-bombed the tortoise????

Beware – Outbreak of Urban Triffids Reported

Interior decoration (or the lack thereof) is a personal thing.

Some care not for clutter and opt for the minimalist look, intensely modernist colours and furniture a Spartan may start to feel is a tad lonely. Others are pulled to the other end of the spectrum and draw objects to them, as a rogue comet gathers planetoids as it rushes past.  My own interior decorating would love to be Country Chic, but is blurred somewhat by the Golden Retriever derived Fluff Bunnies browsing under the dining table, and the West Highland White who has taken up residence on top of same.

I am all for crocheted articles as part of the decor, as long as they have a) a practical purpose and b) are in keeping with the surroundings.  The pile of afghans at the end of the couch is frequently raided, and I knew my housemate was here to stay when I found her wrapped in a Round Ripple, soundly asleep on the sofa.

These ramblings bring me to today’s example of Crocheted Fug.  It is not particularly poorly executed, but I bring it to the forefront of Ugly Crochet Patterns because it is dingy, useless and so far from being in keeping with it’s surroundings to be almost terrifying in it’s badness.

There is also a certain level of implied terror, that one may fall back in a moment of passion, and be gnawed upon by the carnivorous monstrosities sprouting from one’s  lovenest.

The symbolism is mindblowing…

If you consider today’s Misstitched as a tableau for dissection and thus insight into the creator’s mind (and this is what separates us from What Not To Crochet) you begin to wonder what on earth is going on….