I guess we all have days like this

Strange days indeed.. (most peculiar Mama…)

Always something happening and nothing going on.

I mean – we all get into a zone whilst we’re crocheting.  You know what I mean? when you forget what you’re really trying to accomplish? and the pea green next to pumkin orange seems to be lacking a hit of cherry to make it complete?

In my case, you wake up with a scarf that weighs as much as an afghan and a Christening Gown with a petticoat that is now edged by 11 rows of alternating HDCs and Puff stitches.  If you ever want to use up yarn, may I recommend this as a stitch pattern because I now have over 3 kilometres of 2ply in very close formation.

But in both cases I went through the darkness of a  Yarn-induced Creative Whirlpool and came out on the other side which would explain what’s happened here:

Not sure if this is a little yellow idol north of Kathmandu…

Or just a UFO over New York – I wouldn’t be too surprised.

But generally there’s a high level of WTF happening here!

Are there NO Limits?

To the level of corruption that infests the Gentle World of Crochet?

Dear reader,

As those who have joined us in all previous incarnations, as we have struggled through life together, cannot help bu tbe aware of the high regard I hold for Regency literature, especially the works of Miss Jane Austen and collectively, whilst still individually: The Brontё Sisters.  In crochet as in life, this regard continues and I was once outbid for a Jane Austen Shawl pattern on eBay; at a fairly pausemaking amount.   I was willing to forego basic necessities for that pattern. But Alas, it was not be and five years of fruitless searching have not yet seen it come round again.

Where I was more successful was the purchase of a great many Bed Doll patterns, I detest Barbies en masse however I adore crochet where you can be a bit clever and add extra bits to catch a judge’s eye.

Armed with all the above driving forces, whilst trawling through a store that enables vintage pattern buying (though – not entirely convinced that 2002 counts as ‘vintage’) I did espy something that made me pause…

I would presume that “Dinner at Netherfield” allows the avoidance of copyright issues from Miss Austen’s estate, those who may also being taking umbrage at the misspelling!

I found myself spending a great deal too much time (i.e. Any!) trying to work out who our Plastic Twosome are supposed to be, or are they just trying to crash the party?

Australia Day – 2011

Australia Day, something akin to Independence Day in the US, Canada Day in Canada and so on.   The reason this post is the day after, well… there’s only so much Australian beer culture one can absorb and have time to do anything else.

This was one of the hottest ever days, coming after the flooding in Queensland and Victoria; driving many people indoors.   I found a small herd of our favourite National Icon lounging around on my farm, which prompts today’s Misstitched Post.

I do not expect Crocheted articles to be factually accurate, I do expect them to be fit for purpose, not garishly horrible and hopefully: well-made.  I also.. would like to be able to have a reasonable go at being able to recognise who/what they are.

Because just having a pouch doesn’t cut it for entry into Marsupial land.

And whilst my so-called West Highland White prefers to get around in shades of green…. Yeah no.

Our Crocheted Truism for the Day

Just because your crocheted Item is, reputedly,  a Pig,

doesn’t make it Miss Piggy or Spiderpig. 

No, No it does not.

.

Spider Pig… Spider pig… Does whatever a Spiderpig does.

Ok…. Back now.

On eBay, I found a listing for a Pepto-Bismol Crocheted Pink Pig that was listed as being “Miss Piggy”.   And I was curious, as there have been some terrible things committed in the name of Muppets – not the least what Lionbrand does to get fun fur…. But crocheting a Miss Piggy? This I had to see.

First of all… Can I refresh your memory as to what Miss Piggy looks like?

To me, Miss Piggy (even when performing one of her trademark Hi-YA! swipes at Kermy or anyone who had gotten between her and.. Kermy) looked some what like Loretta Swit of M*A*S*H fame.

And as an aside, Loretta has written a book on Needlepoint. Go figure.

But lets note some features of Miss Piggy —–>

Sorry… she’s the one on the Left <——–

Ok – little round ears, long ash-blond hair, large blue eyes augmented by after-market eyelashes (yes, still looking at the LEFT here folks….) Skin colour a definitively Southbeach tan with a feminine shape all over.

Ok – so we’re set. We could recognise Miss Piggy (or Loretta Swit circa 1979) in a crowd?

So…

Yes – it is ok to swear.

This is Bad Crochet on a number of levels. And not even remotely like Miss Piggy, up there on the righ… LEFT.

What this most certainly not is Miss Piggy.  Nor is it particularly well made. As a crocheted article this exhibits some of my least favourite things.  To start  with why it’s not well done ( and not why it’s not Miss Piggy, egad…) – I detest gappy stitch work, especially in dark colours that then lets the stuffing show through.    The Neckline is an area where the maker could have dressed up a Miss Piggy – her trademark Pearls for instance? A row of   white Puff stitches would have covered the transition from the dark pink of the dress to the completely WRONG toothpaste pink of the skin.  Listen – Miss Pigg has a TAN!!   Lord above.

Finally – people please, if you’re going to embroider features, learn how to embroider!

And don’t start me on the eyelashes.

   There’s only one thing for it : Hi-YA!

NSFW – For when Inflatable just doesn’t cut it anymore…

Living in the Australian National Capital brings with it an unexpected – some may say bonus, others would say scourge in the face of all that is decent- situation which can be confrontational.  Canberra has a large number of stores for those who wish to add some spice (or.. perhaps an entire shelf of condiments) to their rumpy-pumpy.

This means one has to turn a blind eye to the stores that promise all kinds of ways to “do it better!”, and sometimes it’s hard to know which store to go into when in need of a new dressage whip when two stores, right next to each other, have leather goods, whips and chains in the window.

The store that did not sell anything to convince a thoroughbred gelding to listen to leg aids recently decided to publicise a sale by placing on their roof a house-sized inflatable yellow Koala.  What erotic properties gigantic inflatable yellow koalas have, i am unsure, and please let me assure you – I have no real desire to find out.

Inflatable devices have also made it in the news recently.  Some of you may have heard of Oprah’s recent trip to Australia? and the massive flooding we are currently experiencing?  What you may not have heard is that some have taken to the impromptu waters with… impromptu watercraft….  with predictable results.

But – the fascination with life-sized anatomically semi-correct female dolls seems to have made it’s way into the world of Crochet.

And this is where you may need to check …behind…you… and swallow your coffee…

Because Oh my…

At least ‘she’ is wearing knickers! And… it would appear, Wonder Woman’s socks.

And at the risk of appearing as a member of the Breastapo, is it me or are those nipples crying out for pasties?

 

The symbolism is mindblowing…

If you consider today’s Misstitched as a tableau for dissection and thus insight into the creator’s mind (and this is what separates us from What Not To Crochet) you begin to wonder what on earth is going on….

The Teletubby Character Development Process

Before you even get to make a Pilot episode, there’s always some characters who end up in the reject bin…



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